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How Do You "Go"

I was in one of the numerous shopping complexes that we have all over town on Sunday. After a meal and window shopping, the inevitable visit to the washroom was made. When I walked in, a thought came into my mind. "How come the standard of toilets vary so much in public places?" Ok, ok, I know, there are a lot of factors that goes into it. Most important, I suppose, is if the management takes pains to do anything about it.

I suppose this journal entry will concern, primarily, the female population but I guess guys also faces the same problem when they have big jobs to do.

So how do you 'go'? Many years ago, I learnt to 'hover'. Yup, I drop my pants and 'hover' over the bowl. It actually began when I could not bring myself to sit on freezing toilet seats when I was in college in London. Since I was in a dance college, the normal attire would be leotards and tights. A visit to the washroom would mean to strip down to nothing. It's not something one looks forward to. I remember a bunch of us in the changing-room, somebody will lament, "I have to go to the loo"
"Then go!"
"It's ****ing cold"
Then the subject will probably change (no action taken from the loo-visitor-wannabe) We will probably talk about the impossible exercises so-and-so made us do earlier or perhaps how many calories are there in that soup round the corner.
Suddenly, the voice laments again, "I really, really have to go!"

That was when I learnt to 'hover'. That way, I don't touch to cold seat at all. When I got back to Malaysia, I discovered that it was a useful tactic for public toilets. I could not wait for Alison to get tall enough to learn how to do it. She reached the mark a little more than a year ago. Boy, was I happy, no more worries about her sitting on disgusting public loos.

Squat toilets aren't much better either. One has to nimbly tiptoe around puddles and manoeuvre oneself in a tightly squeezed cubicle. Most of the time, there are no hooks to hang one's handbag or shopping, so agility and prowess are called for to try and hold on to the bags (lest one drops into those unidentified puddle), undo buttons or drop trousers, making sure garments do NOT fall into those, again, unidentified puddles. Then, gingerly step up to the squat area, without stepping into those @#$%$^&* puddles.

Yes, why are the floors SO WET!? One walks into the washroom and see puddles everywhere. You can't quite determine if the puddle is just water that was not swept away by the cleaner earlier or a puddle of H2O mixed with pee OR is it pee NEAT!!!!!!!!!  Why must people wash their feet in public toilets? If they need to wash their, otherwise too delicate to mention parts of their body, there are toilets equipped with bidet. Ok, maybe not that many around. Wait lah! wait till you get home to wash up.

Back to my question. How do you 'go'? Do you have some special tricks to cope with having to 'go' in dirty public toilets? There was a time I had an even better than 'hover' tactic. I just don't ! Meaning I don't go at all to public toilets. But as one gets older, one's bladder control are not in perfect condition anymore. *sigh*

So you see, it's not always the management at fault. In fact, it is OUR responsibility. If one has the mentality of treating public toilets like ones they have at home, perhaps we will not have such problems. Again, maybe not. Perhaps, the washrooms at home at also the same! But I think my laments are not original. I am sure, if I browse around, I will come across thousands of blogs about dirty public toilets. I still want to blow off a 2-sen worth of steam on it.

Reader Comments (2)

Ok. I'm in the 'hovver' camp.
Cold loo seats definitely teach you young!

I also remember the leotard problem - especially when it was the fashion to wear a pair of black tights OVER your leotard, which was over your pink tights..... Did you ever learn the art, no I had better not go there!

There is another interesting method, should that rare phenomenon occur when there is also loo paper in the cubicle - you could cover the seat with paper.

Fortunately we have NO squatting loos - only 'proper' ones here.

Here's an interesting thought... I was in Asda yesterday, waiting for a vacant cubicle, when it became obvious that one of the cubicles had more than one occupier. A little voice then said, as loudly as possible -
"Ew Granny! Mummy does it between her legs!!"

I was left wondering as a red-faced older lady came out muttering .. "No secrets with children!"

September 6, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJulie
Reminds me or an incident when David was a lot younger. 3 years old, maybe. I did not want to leave him outside the cubicle. One never knows, with kids, they may wander off or someone may take them away while you are, er, busy.
In a very loud voice David exclaimed, "Mummy! You got blood!"
September 6, 2005 | Registered CommenterKaty

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