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Tuesday
Oct162012

'something to get out of bed for' 

I totally believe that when one opens eyes in the morning, there must be a great reason to get out of bed for. It can be something as mundane as travelling down to Section 17 in Petaling Jaya for marketing, but nevertheless SOMETHING to get out of bed for.

I love the Section 17 market. I used to live in that area. My parents used to live in that area too. I have known those vendors for practically all my life. The butcher calls me "Ah Moi!" ( little girl!) Well, this 'little girl' is not so little anymore. The chee cheong fun Aunty remember what I like, it's almost scary. Wherever I go, they will enquire after the health of my parents, where they live now etc. And when I tell them I am buying for Mum, to be sure, they will give the best. 

But I digress. I am trying to blog about 'something to get out of bed for'. The busy-ness is tapering off now for me. I am not complaining about that but it also leaves a kind of vacuum in me. I had been so used to opening my eyes and run the day through in my head before anything happens. Well, usually, it will be Nikki hanging on the side of her basket, whining away till I take notice of her. Hence, while doing the 'fastforward' thingy in my head, it will be to the background 'music' of Nikki's persistant whining. Sometimes, when the brain is a little jammed, I will carry her out from the basket. The happy pup will scamper to the side of my bed and lie down beside me  and leave me to wander for a long while more in my brain.

These days, there's but just a few items to mull. That, in itself, is scary. I do not like my brain to be empty. I do not trust myself to be in control when it is empty. 

Like I said earlier, mundane things should suffice but lately, it feels as if there's nothing to look forward to. I pick up my games but I cannot concentrate for long. I have no desire to watch TV or movies or read a book. Or if I do, I can't seem to concentrate for long. This, too, is scary. Have I lost my drive to live? 

Waking up tired, going to sleep wide-eyed. Staring into darkness with a choked up heart, startles at the slightest provocation. Questions unanswered.

Someone crept inside and stole ME. Quickly! Return ME to me. I want to be able to have 'something to get out of bed for' again.

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