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10 days ago, I went to watch a musical, Princess Wen Cheng. Lately I had been thinking about what she must have experienced.

She was sent off to marry a Tibetan king. She left home and her familiar surroundings, travelled thousands of miles to a strange land with strange customs and definitely strange tongue. How she must have felt totally cut off from everything. I wondered how she coped. How did she communicate in that strange land. Did she have the learn the language? Was she laughed at when she mispronounced or grammatically misused certain words?

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Frankenweenie is a new animated movie by Tim Burton. I love Tim Burton's movies But this is one of which I shall NOT be watching. I think it may be too close to home.

When my Wookie died, I was devastated. I could not come to terms with the fact that the last time I saw him, it was at the pet hospital, he was in a cage, hooked up to tubes. He wanted to come home with me but I had to leave him there. And that was the last time I saw him alive.

Many, many years ago, I read Stephen King's Pet Semetary. I have always thought that it is one of the scariest and creepiest book I have ever read. So, at those moments so long ago, I thought to myself if that will be something that crosses my mind should such a situation arise.

And it did, the situation I mean. I held Wookie in my arms, feeling the hurt and the loss, unable to comprehend how it can be so excruxiatingly painful. Then I thought of Pet Semetary. In those moments, when the mind is in such turmoil, one is not logical. All I could think of was to have him back for a while to tell him how much I love him, how much he means to me, how much I need him and most of all to say goodbye. 

No, I shall NOT be watching Frankenweenie.


Another milestone

This is the month I cross another milestone in my life. And after I did, there was no difference. Yes, it's absolutely true, it's just a number. 

But crossing it had been interesting. There were a few things which I discovered; most of us are now depending on FaceBook to remind us of birthdays and such. When it does not, one tend to slip-slide and not know. Birthdays are also for others, not just the birthday person. It makes one feel good about remembering and doing something nice for the birthday person

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'something to get out of bed for' 

I totally believe that when one opens eyes in the morning, there must be a great reason to get out of bed for. It can be something as mundane as travelling down to Section 17 in Petaling Jaya for marketing, but nevertheless SOMETHING to get out of bed for.

I love the Section 17 market. I used to live in that area. My parents used to live in that area too. I have known those vendors for practically all my life. The butcher calls me "Ah Moi!" ( little girl!) Well, this 'little girl' is not so little anymore. The chee cheong fun Aunty remember what I like, it's almost scary. Wherever I go, they will enquire after the health of my parents, where they live now etc. And when I tell them I am buying for Mum, to be sure, they will give the best. 

But I digress. I am trying to blog about 'something to get out of bed for'. The busy-ness is tapering off now for me. I am not complaining about that but it also leaves a kind of vacuum in me. I had been so used to opening my eyes and run the day through in my head before anything happens. Well, usually, it will be Nikki hanging on the side of her basket, whining away till I take notice of her. Hence, while doing the 'fastforward' thingy in my head, it will be to the background 'music' of Nikki's persistant whining. Sometimes, when the brain is a little jammed, I will carry her out from the basket. The happy pup will scamper to the side of my bed and lie down beside me  and leave me to wander for a long while more in my brain.

These days, there's but just a few items to mull. That, in itself, is scary. I do not like my brain to be empty. I do not trust myself to be in control when it is empty. 

Like I said earlier, mundane things should suffice but lately, it feels as if there's nothing to look forward to. I pick up my games but I cannot concentrate for long. I have no desire to watch TV or movies or read a book. Or if I do, I can't seem to concentrate for long. This, too, is scary. Have I lost my drive to live? 

Waking up tired, going to sleep wide-eyed. Staring into darkness with a choked up heart, startles at the slightest provocation. Questions unanswered.

Someone crept inside and stole ME. Quickly! Return ME to me. I want to be able to have 'something to get out of bed for' again.


Cut off my legs and fly

I love to write. Some people have told me I write well but I think I am quite an average writer. The reason it seemed I write well is probably because I write what's in my heart, or write about things that matters to me. 

My Alison finishes her Journalism course next month. Thereafter, she will do her 3-month internship and become a full-fledged journalist. 

Reason for this post is, if I were a journalist, will I be able to express myself just as well? As part of her training, Alison was required to write a few articles and pieces of news. I looked at the subjects, they were diversified but she managed to churn them out. 

For example, would I be able to cover a story about, ermmmmm, cars and engines or a sports event or lizard event! Will I be impartial? They say that the pen is more powerful than a sword. Will I be able to convert a whole horde of people into an Anti-Lizard generation?

However, the best part is, I do not need to. I shall only need to write about things that matter to me. My experiences, thoughts, my fears and joys and my aspirations. 

Tomorrow, I embark on a new journey of my life. Although it feels the same, it may be different. All the uncertainties, the doubts, the questions, the fears.....

I shall always remember a story from Roald Dahl, one of my favourite writer. He wrote a story about a man who wanted to fly. But he felt weight down by his legs. So he cut off his legs and was free to soar. It may not mean legs in a physical form but figuratively, it could mean baggage, issues - real or otherwise. Perhaps I should cut off mine and fly.

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